Everything bad that could happen has happened. Both Monday and Tuesday I was raped at a party in the mountains and I can hardly even react. I just feel numb. Dead inside. I hardly even cried. Today I found out my car is totaled and I don’t know how I’m going to get another. And again, hardly even cried.
I don’t know how to safely express these emotions so I won’t. I would only hurt myself, or worse. So I’ll just bottle them up. I know that’s bad but if I allowed myself to truly grieve I would never stop crying.
It’s just so fucking impossible to deal with normal people right now, having to force myself to function, to have to put a smile on my face and pretend like I’m okay with this fucked-up superficial society. And no one gives a fuck.
I want nothing more than to sleep my life away. Play dead. My body, my heart, my soul, they’re all just so weary and hurt.